Exit plan - November 11, 2016

how does one make a four-year exit plan for a career that has spanned over 30 years? I remember being an early career practitioner, full of energy and optimism and and a belief I could change the world

now my companions are a juxtaposition of slight satisfaction and more than a pile of regret

a career that provided for my family and shredded my soul

it is a reflection that is filled with “should haves”

I should have done this

I should have done this

I should NOT have done this

I don’t want to be remembered - that is why will you never find me in a picture on the hallway wall

because in this moment i know that I have done less than I should have but as much as I could have and I am exhausted

living with internal struggles has made me an artist and an eccentric and a general pain in the ass

and i do not want this job anymore

it is a means to an end

and i will leave quietly and unannounced and know one will know

except my family

because then I will be more

present for them

it is time to invest in my own legacy and leave others to their own

i died inside when the best years of my career ended

a small place where what i had to give was needed, valued and all my own

and i have been foolish to hope for that again

that is why I have a Plan A

and a Plan B

and am now working on a Plan C

and if I create a Plan D

that will give me one plan for each of the last 4 years of a career that should have more

I will choose to leave when I choose leave

and that is my strength

and my courage

and my desperation