Patience is Not for Cowards

About a year ago, I naively breathed a prayer that patience would be grown in me.  I have learned that God takes me seriously because the last 10 months have been about patience.  I am learning to live in the midst of uncertainty, letting time take its course.  This is a challenging lesson for me as I tend to be an immediate, get up and go kind of person. 

I am learning that patience is enduring under difficult circumstances.  Each one of us experiences difficult circumstances and we must learn to persevere in the face of delay or provocation without acting on our emotions in a negative way.  Patience can also be described as enduring or forbearing and it is the latter that has piqued my interest.

"Forbearing" is a compound word, a word made up two other words, in this case "for bearing".  I was not sure what that exactly meant but I wondered if that particular phrase was predicated by a fill in the blank  "ie ___________ is for bearing". Life is for bearing. Challenges are for bearing. Sadness is for bearing. I then flipped it around and considered "bearing for" and these thoughts came to mind: bearing for growth, bearing for running the race set before me, bearing for the unknown future. Either way, 'for bearing' and 'bearing for' means having patience, so I dug into scripture and came up with a couple of references that particularly struck a chord in me.

1 Thessalonians 5:14b -15 (NLT)
Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone. See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people.

Colossians 1:11 (NLT)
We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy.

Psalm 27:14 (NLT)
Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Growing in patience has been a gutsy, wrestle-in-the-mud, life-changing process.  Patience by its very definition does not deal with immediacy, and thus does not instantly grow in me.  Growing in patience requires patience!  It requires courage and bravery. And it requires trust and faith in the One who began the good work in me, promising to continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Jesus returns (Phillipians 1:6 NLT)

Patience is NOT for cowards.

No Stasis Here

My last blog was before Friday and now this post is after after Friday. The beautiful thing about time is that it passes at a constant and steady rate, uninterrupted by circumstance, people, or mood.  My first thought was that I was once again in stasis, a state or condition in which things do not change, move or progress, but now realize that is not true!  Over the last 10 months, I have grown, changed and moved forward! No stasis here! I am very thankful for the time I have been given and the lessons I have learned. I have made a promise to myself that I will never overcommit myself again. Instead, I will invest that time in my faith, my family, and my friends.  This is a huge change for me - once again, no stasis here!

I woke this morning with a great sense of relief that this part of my journey is done, and now rests on the back burner for the next couple of months.  This song was on my mind before my eyes opened.  I have included it here as it may be relevant to you as well - the highlighting is my own, and indicates words that particularly spoke to me.

Great is Your faithfulness oh God

You wrestle with the sinner's heart

You lead us by still waters in to mercy

And nothing can keep us apart

So remember Your people

Remember Your children

Remember Your promise

Oh God

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God of Jacob

You use the weak to lead the strong

You lead us in the song of Your salvation

And all Your people sing along

So remember Your people

Remember Your children

Remember Your promise

Oh God

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough for me [x2]

So remember Your people

Remember Your children

Remember Your promise

Oh God

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough for me

Your grace is enough

Heaven reaching down to us

Your grace is enough for me

God I see your grace is enough

I'm covered in your love

Your grace is enough for me

For me

It's a Psalm 5 Kind of Day

This morning I woke up with this song on my mind.  The first three verses are a song I learned years ago.  

Psalm 5: 1-3

King James Version (KJV)

Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my meditation. Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray. My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.

Here it is again but in the New Living Translation.  There are certain verses that I am clinging to. Read it over and please, consider praying for me as the next days unfold (or fold out as my brother Garth used to say).

Psalm 5

For the choir director: A psalm of David, to be accompanied by the flute.

1. O Lord, hear me as I pray; pay attention to my groaning.
2. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for I pray to no one but you.
3. Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.
4. O God, you take no pleasure in wickedness; you cannot tolerate the sins of the wicked.
5. Therefore, the proud may not stand in your presence, for you hate all who do evil.
6. You will destroy those who tell lies. The Lord detests murderers and deceivers.
7. Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house; I will worship at your Temple with deepest awe.
8. Lead me in the right path, O Lord, or my enemies will conquer me. Make your way plain for me to follow.
9. My enemies cannot speak a truthful word. Their deepest desire is to destroy others. Their talk is foul, like the stench from an open grave. Their tongues are filled with flattery.
10. O God, declare them guilty. Let them be caught in their own traps. Drive them away because of their many sins, for they have rebelled against you.
11. But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy.
12. For you bless the godly, O Lord; you surround them with your shield of love.

Words for Preparing

I have always believed that David (the David in the Bible) is the most human of all the heroes of the faith.  He experienced the depths of despair, paralyzing fear, and exhilarating joy. David was a brother, a son, a father, and a husband (many times over!) He was a singer, a musician, a composer, a soldier, a king, a man after God's own heart, and his words are relevant and profound, 2000 years after they were written.

In preparation for the week to come, I am listening to the audio version of Psalm 119 - it is on repeat, so it goes over and over and over...the sound clip is 16 minutes and 26 seconds long and there are some pretty applicable verses. I've included some of the here:

Psalm 119:39-41 (NIV)

Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good.

How I long for your precepts! In your righteousness preserve my life.

Psalm 119:153-156 (NLT)

Look upon my suffering and rescue me, for I have not forgotten your instructions.

Argue my case; take my side! Protect my life as you promised.

Psalm 119:161 (NLT)

Powerful people harass me without cause, but my heart trembles only at your word.

Psalm 119:165 (NLT)

Those who love your instructions have great peace and do not stumble. I long for your rescue, Lord, so I have obeyed your commands.

Psalm 119:169 (NLT)

Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart.

I am very thankful for these words....I will be meditating on them as this week progresses.

Beautiful Tree

Alfred Joyce Kilmer (6 December 1886 – 30 July 1918) was an American journalist and poet who wrote one of my favourite poems.  It goes like this:

I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree.

I love trees - arbutus, lodgepole pines, Douglas firs, cedars, corkscrew willows, pink dogwoods, Japanese maples, California redwoods.  Each of these has unique significance, representing or reminding me of something precious in my history.  And the picture below shows what has happened in my recent history.

Notice how the extra branches are now visible, sticking out in all directions - the core is of the tree is solid, but it is pretty obvious where some trimming has to happen.  The last 10 months have been about many changes, one of the most significant being the stripping away of many good things that I was involved in. 

• full-time classroom teacher
• math teacher inquiry project
• Terrific Kids program
• SFU – Surrey cohort
• SFU – Abbotsford cohort
• ADTA staff rep
• BCTF Teacher Inquiry facilitator
• BCTF parent presenter
• foster parent training
• Sweet Adelines chorus

As a result, the core of who I am, my sense of self, has been strengthened.  My life now looks like this tree:

Now I see things from this perspective of Psalm 1:1-3 and I am thankful for God's grace...

Blessed is the one

   who does not walk in step with the wicked

or stand in the way that sinners take

    or sit in the company of mockers,

but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,

  and who meditates on his law day and night.

That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

   which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither—

    whatever they do prospers.

Skepticism Dealt With

Some of you know the crazy journey our lives have taken over the last 10 months - yup it has been 10 months.  Some of you also know that I am a bit of a skeptic when it comes to spiritual things. A couple of years ago, I signed up to have a Bible verse delivered to my mailbox every day.  It is interesting to me that as certain situation is close to being resolved, the verses are very applicable.  The core of me is much stronger that it was 10 months ago and I believe that these daily inspirations have helped with that......

November 6     Ephesians 1:9-10

God has now revealed to us his mysterious plan regarding Christ, a plan to fulfill his own good pleasure. And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth.

November 9       Isaiah 1:18

“Come now, let’s settle this,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.

November 13    1 Peter 2:15-16 

It is God’s will that your honourable lives should silence those ignorant people who make foolish accusations against you. 

November 15     Psalm 119:142

As pressure and stress bear down on me, I find joy in your commands.

Skepticism dealt with.....

Test All Things

So I am reading Stormie Omaritan's book Light for the Step I'm On. Its a pretty easy to read and although I don't agree with everything she has written, I have been inspired to "test all things" as my mother would say. I am hoping that she will be a guest blogger one day, and expand on the story behind "test all things".

It is very hard when your character is defamed, your integrity is attacked, and your motives are questioned. David, the Psalmist, experienced all of these things. His son, Solomon, wrote about them. The verses below are so relevant to this day and I will ponder them as I sew many more things for my momma!

Proverbs 3:21-26

My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion; they will be life for you,an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble.  When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.  Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared.

The No-No

I am going to do a Christian no-no.  I am going to step out and say I don't know that this verse is true.  Psalm 37:31 says The word of God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.

Maybe the word of God is only in my head and that is why I have sliding steps.  I do know that I am not sure-footed. I do know that I spend time every day, reading and contemplating Scripture. I do know that I am not confident in what I am reading.

I am sure there are more verses of which I will doubt their veracity. Conversely, there may be some verses that I will know to be true.

There goes the double-minded man in me...

James is not for me

Brian and I are doing something novel - we are attending a bible study.  For many years, my faith has been eclectic and probably more liberal that the average Canadian church goer.  I have no issue with fundamentals such as "treat others the way you want to be treated"but currently I am not liking the book of James, the book we are looking at in our study group.

One of our assignments was to memorize a verse and I memorized James 1:12 - Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God gives to those who love him.

I don't get the whole suffering thing, in fact I really hate it.  I have yet to see the perseverance that James talks about in the first chapter - the perseverance from the testing of my faith.  I am more like the double-minded man, the one who doubts like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  Some days I am confident.

James seems to be a fellow that offers advice - he does not get the gut-wrenching state of a questioning soul.  On the other hand, David the Psalmist does understand.  Psalm 138:7 says "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch out Your hand against the wrath of enemies, and Your right hand will save me.

I wonder if this will be true for me....