From "Streams in the Desert"

The red words are the ones that particularly stood out to me.

Look, a time is coming – and has come – when you will be scattered, each one to his own home, and I will be left alone. Yet I am not alone, because my Father is with me.—John 16:32

It need not be said that to carry out conviction into action is a costly sacrifice. It may make necessary renunciations and separations which leave one to feel a strange sense both of deprivation and loneliness. But he who will fly, as an eagle does, into the higher levels where cloudless day abides, and live in the sunshine of God, must be content to live a comparatively lonely life.

No bird is so solitary as the eagle. Eagles never fly in flocks; one, or at most two, ever being seen at once. But the life that is lived unto God, however it forfeits human companionships, knows Divine fellowship.

God seeks eagle-men. No man ever comes into a realization of the best things of God, who does not, upon the Godward side of his life, learn to walk alone with God. We find Abraham alone in Horeb upon the heights, but Lot, dwelling in Sodom. Moses, skilled in all the wisdom of Egypt must go forty years into the desert alone with God. Paul, who was filled with Greek learning and had also sat at the feet of Gamaliel, must go into Arabia and learn the desert life with God. Let God isolate us. I do not mean the isolation of a monastery. In this isolating experience He develops an independence of faith and life so that the soul needs no longer the constant help, prayer, faith or attention of his neighbor. Such assistance and inspiration from the other members are necessary and have their place in the Christian’s development, but there comes a time when they act as a direct hindrance to the individual’s faith and welfare. God knows how to change the circumstances in order to give us an isolating experience. We yield to God and He takes us through something, and when it is over, those about us, who are no less loved than before, are no longer depended upon. We realize that He has wrought some things in us, and that the wings of our souls have learned to beat the upper air.
We must dare to be alone. Jacob must be left alone if the Angel of God is to whisper in his ear the mystic name of Shiloh; Daniel must be left alone if he is to see celestial visions; John must be banished to Patmos if he is deeply to take and firmly to keep “the print of heaven.”

He trod the wine-press alone. Are we prepared for a “splendid isolation” rather than fail Him?

 

Patience is Not for Cowards

About a year ago, I naively breathed a prayer that patience would be grown in me.  I have learned that God takes me seriously because the last 10 months have been about patience.  I am learning to live in the midst of uncertainty, letting time take its course.  This is a challenging lesson for me as I tend to be an immediate, get up and go kind of person. 

I am learning that patience is enduring under difficult circumstances.  Each one of us experiences difficult circumstances and we must learn to persevere in the face of delay or provocation without acting on our emotions in a negative way.  Patience can also be described as enduring or forbearing and it is the latter that has piqued my interest.

"Forbearing" is a compound word, a word made up two other words, in this case "for bearing".  I was not sure what that exactly meant but I wondered if that particular phrase was predicated by a fill in the blank  "ie ___________ is for bearing". Life is for bearing. Challenges are for bearing. Sadness is for bearing. I then flipped it around and considered "bearing for" and these thoughts came to mind: bearing for growth, bearing for running the race set before me, bearing for the unknown future. Either way, 'for bearing' and 'bearing for' means having patience, so I dug into scripture and came up with a couple of references that particularly struck a chord in me.

1 Thessalonians 5:14b -15 (NLT)
Encourage those who are timid. Take tender care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone. See that no one pays back evil for evil, but always try to do good to each other and to all people.

Colossians 1:11 (NLT)
We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy.

Psalm 27:14 (NLT)
Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Growing in patience has been a gutsy, wrestle-in-the-mud, life-changing process.  Patience by its very definition does not deal with immediacy, and thus does not instantly grow in me.  Growing in patience requires patience!  It requires courage and bravery. And it requires trust and faith in the One who began the good work in me, promising to continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Jesus returns (Phillipians 1:6 NLT)

Patience is NOT for cowards.

No Stasis Here

My last blog was before Friday and now this post is after after Friday. The beautiful thing about time is that it passes at a constant and steady rate, uninterrupted by circumstance, people, or mood.  My first thought was that I was once again in stasis, a state or condition in which things do not change, move or progress, but now realize that is not true!  Over the last 10 months, I have grown, changed and moved forward! No stasis here! I am very thankful for the time I have been given and the lessons I have learned. I have made a promise to myself that I will never overcommit myself again. Instead, I will invest that time in my faith, my family, and my friends.  This is a huge change for me - once again, no stasis here!

I woke this morning with a great sense of relief that this part of my journey is done, and now rests on the back burner for the next couple of months.  This song was on my mind before my eyes opened.  I have included it here as it may be relevant to you as well - the highlighting is my own, and indicates words that particularly spoke to me.

Great is Your faithfulness oh God

You wrestle with the sinner's heart

You lead us by still waters in to mercy

And nothing can keep us apart

So remember Your people

Remember Your children

Remember Your promise

Oh God

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough for me

Great is Your love and justice God of Jacob

You use the weak to lead the strong

You lead us in the song of Your salvation

And all Your people sing along

So remember Your people

Remember Your children

Remember Your promise

Oh God

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough for me [x2]

So remember Your people

Remember Your children

Remember Your promise

Oh God

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough

Your grace is enough for me

Your grace is enough

Heaven reaching down to us

Your grace is enough for me

God I see your grace is enough

I'm covered in your love

Your grace is enough for me

For me

It's a Psalm 5 Kind of Day

This morning I woke up with this song on my mind.  The first three verses are a song I learned years ago.  

Psalm 5: 1-3

King James Version (KJV)

Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my meditation. Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray. My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.

Here it is again but in the New Living Translation.  There are certain verses that I am clinging to. Read it over and please, consider praying for me as the next days unfold (or fold out as my brother Garth used to say).

Psalm 5

For the choir director: A psalm of David, to be accompanied by the flute.

1. O Lord, hear me as I pray; pay attention to my groaning.
2. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for I pray to no one but you.
3. Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord. Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.
4. O God, you take no pleasure in wickedness; you cannot tolerate the sins of the wicked.
5. Therefore, the proud may not stand in your presence, for you hate all who do evil.
6. You will destroy those who tell lies. The Lord detests murderers and deceivers.
7. Because of your unfailing love, I can enter your house; I will worship at your Temple with deepest awe.
8. Lead me in the right path, O Lord, or my enemies will conquer me. Make your way plain for me to follow.
9. My enemies cannot speak a truthful word. Their deepest desire is to destroy others. Their talk is foul, like the stench from an open grave. Their tongues are filled with flattery.
10. O God, declare them guilty. Let them be caught in their own traps. Drive them away because of their many sins, for they have rebelled against you.
11. But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy.
12. For you bless the godly, O Lord; you surround them with your shield of love.

Thanks, Virginia

I have a friend in Ontario, actually I have more than one friend in Ontario. This particular friend posted a very applicable Bible verse today:

But in their distress they turned to the Lord, the God of Israel, and sought him, and he was found by them.  2 Chronicles 15:4

I am pretty sure she did not know that distress was lurking around but her timing was amazing.  Thanks, Gin!

Knife Handle First

Last night I had another weird dream....

I was in the pool, and it was fairly full.  One fellow was in the pool with a set of knives.  He was brandishing them and being strong in the self-preservation department, I got out of the pool and told the life guards to call 911. They couldn't do that because the phones weren't working and they asked me to talk to the knife man, to assess whether or not he was an actual threat.  I was standing on the pool deck and asked him, "I need a new set of kitchen knives.  I'm wondering how if those are good knives.  Could I see one?"  Knife Man said sure and handed me a paring knife, handle first. (Remember this - it is significant) The paring knife was $138 and I asked him where he got it.  He replied, "Walmart."  So I thanked him, handed the paring knife back to him, handle first.  I left the pool deck, grabbed my stuff and left.  I went to front desk but they still couldn't call 911.  So I called my folks and asked to them to call 911 for me.

A weird dream with significant meaning - chatting with my mom this morning, meaning is apparent. My momma is a smart lady.

• The enemy of my soul was present but could do no damage - remember he handed me the knife, handle first? 
• I got out of the pool, faced the danger, and left. 
• I asked for help to get help. I couldn't call 911 from where I was but I knew there were others that could access that help, on my behalf. I have an amazing extended support network.

I am still a chicken heart - instead of going to the pool today, I am sitting in bed, drinking a cup of coffee, blogging about my weird dream, and staying cozy with my dog curled up next to me.

PS - I plan to go for a walk with Brian today - I am craving time with him.

Words for Preparing

I have always believed that David (the David in the Bible) is the most human of all the heroes of the faith.  He experienced the depths of despair, paralyzing fear, and exhilarating joy. David was a brother, a son, a father, and a husband (many times over!) He was a singer, a musician, a composer, a soldier, a king, a man after God's own heart, and his words are relevant and profound, 2000 years after they were written.

In preparation for the week to come, I am listening to the audio version of Psalm 119 - it is on repeat, so it goes over and over and over...the sound clip is 16 minutes and 26 seconds long and there are some pretty applicable verses. I've included some of the here:

Psalm 119:39-41 (NIV)

Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good.

How I long for your precepts! In your righteousness preserve my life.

Psalm 119:153-156 (NLT)

Look upon my suffering and rescue me, for I have not forgotten your instructions.

Argue my case; take my side! Protect my life as you promised.

Psalm 119:161 (NLT)

Powerful people harass me without cause, but my heart trembles only at your word.

Psalm 119:165 (NLT)

Those who love your instructions have great peace and do not stumble. I long for your rescue, Lord, so I have obeyed your commands.

Psalm 119:169 (NLT)

Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart.

I am very thankful for these words....I will be meditating on them as this week progresses.

Encouragement from Different Places

Encouragement is so crucial these days and it comes from many different places....I am thankful for that.

Yesterday my dad took the time to phone me and tell me about what he had been watching on TV.  There was a man talking about the promise found in Deuteronomy 28, a chapter about blessings and curses.  My dad was particularly struck by verse 7 - The Lord will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.

I got an email from Joan White, a friend of my mother's. She wrote: "I was talking to your Mom last night and know you have been sailing through some troubled waters lately....and I want you to know that I will be praying for you that day and each day until then for strength, clarity of thought and a quiet spirit.  I pray you will be encouraged and know that you are loved and prayed for today.  Remember Jesus is in the boat with you."

Today's encouragement came from a couple of different places: 

1. chatting with my wise momma
2. a "Verse of the Day.  Colossians 1:8 says, "And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful."
3. a video posted by my awesome niece Sidsel Richmond. She wrote "Life is tough but so are you."  Check it out the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5yCOSHeYn4

I hope you are encouraged this day as well.....

Beautiful Tree

Alfred Joyce Kilmer (6 December 1886 – 30 July 1918) was an American journalist and poet who wrote one of my favourite poems.  It goes like this:

I think that I shall never see a poem lovely as a tree.

I love trees - arbutus, lodgepole pines, Douglas firs, cedars, corkscrew willows, pink dogwoods, Japanese maples, California redwoods.  Each of these has unique significance, representing or reminding me of something precious in my history.  And the picture below shows what has happened in my recent history.

Notice how the extra branches are now visible, sticking out in all directions - the core is of the tree is solid, but it is pretty obvious where some trimming has to happen.  The last 10 months have been about many changes, one of the most significant being the stripping away of many good things that I was involved in. 

• full-time classroom teacher
• math teacher inquiry project
• Terrific Kids program
• SFU – Surrey cohort
• SFU – Abbotsford cohort
• ADTA staff rep
• BCTF Teacher Inquiry facilitator
• BCTF parent presenter
• foster parent training
• Sweet Adelines chorus

As a result, the core of who I am, my sense of self, has been strengthened.  My life now looks like this tree:

Now I see things from this perspective of Psalm 1:1-3 and I am thankful for God's grace...

Blessed is the one

   who does not walk in step with the wicked

or stand in the way that sinners take

    or sit in the company of mockers,

but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,

  and who meditates on his law day and night.

That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,

   which yields its fruit in season

and whose leaf does not wither—

    whatever they do prospers.

Skepticism Dealt With

Some of you know the crazy journey our lives have taken over the last 10 months - yup it has been 10 months.  Some of you also know that I am a bit of a skeptic when it comes to spiritual things. A couple of years ago, I signed up to have a Bible verse delivered to my mailbox every day.  It is interesting to me that as certain situation is close to being resolved, the verses are very applicable.  The core of me is much stronger that it was 10 months ago and I believe that these daily inspirations have helped with that......

November 6     Ephesians 1:9-10

God has now revealed to us his mysterious plan regarding Christ, a plan to fulfill his own good pleasure. And this is the plan: At the right time he will bring everything together under the authority of Christ—everything in heaven and on earth.

November 9       Isaiah 1:18

“Come now, let’s settle this,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, I will make them as white as wool.

November 13    1 Peter 2:15-16 

It is God’s will that your honourable lives should silence those ignorant people who make foolish accusations against you. 

November 15     Psalm 119:142

As pressure and stress bear down on me, I find joy in your commands.

Skepticism dealt with.....

Comment of the day...

As we were crossing the Golden Ears Bridge, we were admiring the eagles sculptures attached to the vertical spans.

 

As we crossed the bridge, Brian said, "They get beautiful eagles and we get big raspberries."

I think he has a point!

Huckleberry Hound

I have the Notes app on my iPhone and it is very handy, especially because I am married to a very funny fella!

The other day my husband was reminiscing about the cartoons he used to watch as a kid.  He mention Augie Doggie, and Yogi Bear, but his favourite was Huckleberry Hound.  Saturday cartoons were sacred - it didn't matter that they were watched on black and white TV.  Somewhere around 1968, Brian's parents got a colour TV and that son of theirs went into shock.  Forty years later, the shock has turned into a rant.   WHAT?  HUCKLEBERRY HOUND IS BLUE? HOW MAKES A DOG BLUE? DOGS AREN'T BLUE! EVERYONE ELSE WAS THE RIGHT COLOUR! YOGI BEAR WAS BROWN AND BEARS ARE BROWN.  DOGS ARE NOT BLUE!

Bethany and I love Brian's rants.  He makes us laugh every day....and that is a very good thing!

Uncle Ed's Reminder

Growing up in my family of origin, I learned the very significant lesson that family is not restricted by the definition of blood relation.  There are many people in my life who are my family....Ed Barbin was one of these people and it is to him, I dedicate this post.

Uncle Ed is married to my Auntie Ruth.  I have known and been loved by them for 45 years.  Their daughter, Katherine, was my childhood friend, and their daughter, Janet, was our long-suffering babysitter.

I have had many gut wrenching, soul destroying moments in the last 9 months, and my guilt about the burden I am to my precious husband has weighed deeply on me.  Brian has been selfless...and I have been on the receiving end of so much grace.

I was bemoaning the fact that I was such a burden to Brian, and my Uncle Ed dealt with that guilt with 7 simple words.  He reminded me of a promise that was made 23 years ago.  He reminded me, "He made the same vows you did."  

And in the moment, I realized that Brian is in this with me.   Twenty three years ago, he vowed, "I, Brian, take you, Laura , to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

Thank you Uncle Ed for reminding of Brian’s promise.  Because of you, I will remember it always.  Enjoy heaven!

I love Lucy

Its funny how a child you have never held, holds a deep and special place in your heart.  Yesterday we found out that our precious grand baby was a girl.  Her parents have named her Lucy Margaret and she has become more real.  We already loved and missed her, but now we have a gender and a name - now I can see her in my mind's eye.

We believe in life after death so it is comforting to know that Lucy is not alone. Both my sisters-in-law experienced the loss of a child - one in the early stages of pregnancy, and one 2 hours and 11 minutes after giving birth.  We believe that those wee ones continue their existence in a place where there is no brokenness, no pain, and no loss - hallelujah!  Lucy will meet her namesake, Margaret was Lucy's great grandma.

Images of this Lucy playing, listening to stories, cuddling, flit through my mind. Her parents are not with her but her Heavenly Father is - and He will hold her close until her parents reunite with her, for this is the Hope to which we have been called.

Take a hug, Lucy.  Your grandma loves you.

Meccano - the Adult Version

Brian had tons of Meccano when he was a kid; in fact, we still have his Mecanno in our storage room.  He loved building things then and he loves building things now.  Brian's current project is building the best TV antenna possible.  We don't use satellite because we have Netflix and our Apple TV. We don't use cable because we have an antenna.  We have had several versions, and each one is better than the last.

We have a big antenna on our chimney and we get 8 channels on a regular basis and some of the are even in HD!

The latest revision is pretty artsy.  I love the look of it and it currently sits on the top of our TV student. I also love the way Brian makes practical things aesthetically pleasing....my builder-man is also an artist!

 

Salmon in the City

I have a doctor in Port Coquitlam, whom I see on a weekly basis.  While I am at my appt, Brian goes exploring.  Until this last week his favourite new discovery has been Summit Tools - I will write about this in another blog.

This week was a surprise for me!  We had Daisy (our dog) with us so Brian took her for a walk.  When I was done, Brian wanted to show me what he had discovered so off they went. We went across the street to Lions's Park and we walked across a small field, down a rocky path that was maybe 25 ft in length, and ended up on the edge of a very shallow Coqutilam River.  We were treated to the spectacular site of salmon going upstream to spawn.  I had seen this before when we lived on the Queen Charlotte Islands,  but Brian had never seen it, and he was so excited!

The beauty of that day stays with me - a beautiful river right in the middle of a high density urban area was full of salmon. I love that!

Here is the video...

Treasure

I have always known that I married a treasure - Brian is rare and I get to spend my days with him.  The cool thing is that typically for 7 of the last 9 months I would have been teaching.  Being on paid leave has allowed us to spend a ton of time together.

When we got married, I had an instant family.  We have never been without kids around. I am not complaining - it was and is a rich way to live.  Our oldest three are now married on their own and Bethany has graduated, working at Purdy's and managing a busy social life.  All of a sudden, we now have many days when we are on our own. What an unexpected gift!

And so we do things like visit my folks in the middle of the day, when I would normally be at school....or we drop off and pick up Beth from the Purdy's in Langley where she works, or we drive to Oak Harbour in the USA and get stuck on military base, or we go to Steveston to eat fish and chips on the beach.

I want to remember these days, some of them are pretty darn funny...and they are always rich because of my other self, the man you all know as Brian.

Tylenol 3

Today I had a backache.  Brian got me a Tylenol 3.  A little while later, he asked me how back was - I told him no change.  He then told me that he had taken the Tylenol 3 himself.  "I took the Tylenol - you should be feel better soon."

Test All Things

So I am reading Stormie Omaritan's book Light for the Step I'm On. Its a pretty easy to read and although I don't agree with everything she has written, I have been inspired to "test all things" as my mother would say. I am hoping that she will be a guest blogger one day, and expand on the story behind "test all things".

It is very hard when your character is defamed, your integrity is attacked, and your motives are questioned. David, the Psalmist, experienced all of these things. His son, Solomon, wrote about them. The verses below are so relevant to this day and I will ponder them as I sew many more things for my momma!

Proverbs 3:21-26

My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgment and discretion; they will be life for you,an ornament to grace your neck. Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble.  When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.  Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared.

The No-No

I am going to do a Christian no-no.  I am going to step out and say I don't know that this verse is true.  Psalm 37:31 says The word of God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.

Maybe the word of God is only in my head and that is why I have sliding steps.  I do know that I am not sure-footed. I do know that I spend time every day, reading and contemplating Scripture. I do know that I am not confident in what I am reading.

I am sure there are more verses of which I will doubt their veracity. Conversely, there may be some verses that I will know to be true.

There goes the double-minded man in me...

James is not for me

Brian and I are doing something novel - we are attending a bible study.  For many years, my faith has been eclectic and probably more liberal that the average Canadian church goer.  I have no issue with fundamentals such as "treat others the way you want to be treated"but currently I am not liking the book of James, the book we are looking at in our study group.

One of our assignments was to memorize a verse and I memorized James 1:12 - Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God gives to those who love him.

I don't get the whole suffering thing, in fact I really hate it.  I have yet to see the perseverance that James talks about in the first chapter - the perseverance from the testing of my faith.  I am more like the double-minded man, the one who doubts like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  Some days I am confident.

James seems to be a fellow that offers advice - he does not get the gut-wrenching state of a questioning soul.  On the other hand, David the Psalmist does understand.  Psalm 138:7 says "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will revive me; You will stretch out Your hand against the wrath of enemies, and Your right hand will save me.

I wonder if this will be true for me....

The Great Exchange (The Sixth Psalm)

beauty for ashes

peace for fear

strength for weariness

fullness for emptiness

joy for sadness

shelter for homelessness

provision for hunger

is it my first instinct to look for You in the midst of life's storms?

it has not been my pattern of behaviour

and maybe, just maybe

my instincts are changing

Deep Down (The Second Psalm)

What does it look like

this idea of complete surrender?

Is it an invitation to a journey, a path of pain?

Or is it an invitation to know You will be with Me on that path

regardless of circumstance?

Completely surrendered to God....

I am too scared

because deep down,

I do not trust that You are good.

Evidence (The Fifth Psalm)

Now and then

Sometimes more often

Sometimes less frequently

Doubting if You are near

Wondering if You really do care

Wishing for one small bit of tangible evidence

That You do and

That You are

Light (The Third Psalm)

Darkness from without

surrounds me

but I stand in a pool of light

light that moves where I move

light that will dance

when I dance again

Question (The Fourth Psalm)

Are You there?

I am told You are,

I suppose you are,

And in some moments,

I even believe You are.

But then the moment passes

And I am unsure

Once more

Timely Words

loved this post on my wall today.....God's timing is unique....

Saw That you are not working. Some school is missing out . Just wanted to tell you that we been really blessed by teachers to our children over the years. you being one. The book you gave Emily when she left Dunach. Special. The constant encouragement to all three of our children was noticed and appreciated. I am not a music person but thank you for putting MONTHS of effort into the Dunach musicals. Giving kids a chance to perform. some people are teachers by nature. you. I am not!!! I homeschooled one semester and they are lucky to be alive! Have a great day!

Lost (The First Psalm)

Help me believe in You

Help me see You

Help me know You

Because without believing,

seeing, and knowing You,

I

am

lost

Why a new blog?

simply said
the mrsmenagh blog is now private, only visible to me
at times it was harsh, painful and gut-wrenching
but it was always true
and that was an issue for some readers
who copied my blog entries and forwarded them to
individuals who misinterpreted them,
and then rained down wrath upon me
either way, i found great comfort in writing and after a short hiatus, I have started a new blog….
and yes it will be sanitized
modified freedom of speech here