Exit plan - November 11, 2016

how does one make a four-year exit plan for a career that has spanned over 30 years? I remember being an early career practitioner, full of energy and optimism and and a belief I could change the world

now my companions are a juxtaposition of slight satisfaction and more than a pile of regret

a career that provided for my family and shredded my soul

it is a reflection that is filled with “should haves”

I should have done this

I should have done this

I should NOT have done this

I don’t want to be remembered - that is why will you never find me in a picture on the hallway wall

because in this moment i know that I have done less than I should have but as much as I could have and I am exhausted

living with internal struggles has made me an artist and an eccentric and a general pain in the ass

and i do not want this job anymore

it is a means to an end

and i will leave quietly and unannounced and know one will know

except my family

because then I will be more

present for them

it is time to invest in my own legacy and leave others to their own

i died inside when the best years of my career ended

a small place where what i had to give was needed, valued and all my own

and i have been foolish to hope for that again

that is why I have a Plan A

and a Plan B

and am now working on a Plan C

and if I create a Plan D

that will give me one plan for each of the last 4 years of a career that should have more

I will choose to leave when I choose leave

and that is my strength

and my courage

and my desperation

Be Kind to Grief (November 6, 2016)

grief does not have to be

judged or justified

public or private

avoided or denied

it is real

it is authentic

and it is yours

grief does not need to be

compared or minimized

it is legitimate

and is currently housed in you

it will not always be a tenant

occupying a very large room

one day it will be stored in the drawer of a dusty dresser

in the corner of an unvisited room

or it may give notice and leave

reserving the privilege to visit again

however grief appears

be kind to it,

to yourself,

and to the time you both need to learn

to exist

together

Letisha - 7 years have passed

7 years ago. Letisha Reimer was brutally murdered at her high school. Her siblings went to my school and the reality of what had happened was mind-numbing. I still can't believe the school district thought it would be a good idea to attach the new high school to the public library, with no separation. We all knew it was a bad idea and this family bore the brunt of that foolish decision. They bear it to this day, and again, my thoughts and prayers are with them. 

I wrote this poem in her honour.

she was not my student

she was not my child

she was not my niece, or neighbour, or sister, or friend

but her little brother was my student

and she went to my school

and she danced a life song that was delightful

and so i deeply grieve her passing

a life cut short short

in the most unjust way

violence and hate

but she stood for joy

and happiness

and love

and somehow

I must change my thinking

to align with hers

instead of with the one who took her life

because He who inspired her life

celebrates and enjoys her company this day

and every day

throughout eternity

and one day

her family will

once again

enjoy her company

because she is and was and will ever be

Letisha